A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

Before marriage, a man will lay down his life for you; after marriage he won't even lay down his newspaper.

Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.

Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long together if ever we had been married?

Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.

I swear, if you existed I'd divorce you.

In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

It is always preferable to visit home with a friend. Your parents will not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature human beings...

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.

Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains, but you'd be surprised at how many re-enlist.

Marriage is the result of the longing for the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise longue.

Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.

Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes in between them.

Marriage to a man as important as a bicycle to a fish.

My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two twenties.

My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked `petite' and hold on to the receipt.

There is one thing more exasperating than a spouse who can cook and won't, and that's a spouse who can't cook and will.

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.